chapters 11-14 || 10/21/2022

There were three events in these chapters that stood out and resonated with me. The first was Jessica and Kennedy’s dinner with Babi. It was thought-provoking to read Jessica’s attempts to understand and follow the cultural norms and rules of the dinner. When I studied abroad in China, I had a similar experience with dinner formalities. There was a litany of steps and customs expected of me. Those included: specific seating arrangements – where the highest members of the family sat, how the food is served, and most importantly, how the check is handled at the end of the meal. I remember one dinner in particular with my home-stay family. It was towards the end of my stay. We went to a fancy place with what seemed like the entire extended family. Like Jessica, I had been rehearsing and thinking about how I should act in my head. But it was a lot to keep track of, so in person I just tried to be as respectful and confident as possible. This was similar to Jessica’s experience, and it was interesting to read her approach and thought process through it.

The next event that stood out to me was when Jessica and Kennedy got married and built their newly wed house in his mother’s village. I thought it was interesting that Kennedy didn’t communicate to Jessica at all what was happening. Although she was initially furious, she played along and actually ended up enjoying it to some degree. I thought that this was an important moment because I could also understand the nervous or unsure feelings she had. But the trust between them was strong and Jessica ended up understanding the importance of the ritual for him. This amended any hard feelings. Everything doesn’t have to be explained as long as there is trust and understanding of each other.

The last moment was Kennedy’s journey to Wesleyan. I was surprised to read how proactive Jessica was with his applications meanwhile he was less so at times. Although completely different circumstances, it reminded me of my parents saying similar things about college, while I was a bit more lax about it. Kennedy didn’t want to leave the life he knew, and I too, with lifelong high school friends, felt this attachment to some degree. Once in the US, at Wesleyan, Kennedy is overwhelmed and excited by all the things he sees. But after settling in a little, he realizes how removed he is from his community and struggles with balancing his two lives. He finds some peace by creating a SHOFCO chapter at Wesleyan. I had a friend in middle school with similar experiences. He was from a rougher neighborhood but went to private school. I remember he gave a powerful speech explaining the different parts of his identity. Like Kennedy, I wonder if he felt a similar peace of mind by getting it off his chest.